Pampering Myself With Healthy Behaviors
What if, in the future, we saw boring, frustrating, but healthy behaviors as an act of softness?
I saw a TikTok earlier this week that I can no longer find, which is par the course when you’re on the app as much as I am. I don’t always think to save things at the moment I see them—even when they spurn forth a new way of thinking about myself, a rare occurrence for a weary 32-year-old who remembers when social media was less concerned with optimization and perfection, who remembers when it was fun to be online and express yourself here.
The video showed a young woman explaining how she started to see exercising, eating nutritiously, and other health-oriented habits as pampering herself. She took the idea of pampering—which we often associate with luxurious trips to the spa or a dash into Louis Vuitton to buy ourselves the bag we deserve as we hold a flute of Veuve Clicquot in our hand—and placed it into a more routine, everyday context1. I loved the ease with which she reframed what it means to actually dote on yourself once the lens of capitalism is removed from pursuing good health and an overall sense of well-being. (Admittedly, she didn’t say all of this, and maybe it wasn’t that deep for her, but it certainly was for me.)
Her thinking directly challenged mine. I often remind myself that I’m privileged enough to Get To do things like work out, spend the necessary coin on nutritious foods, and see a doctor when needed. I Get To wake up at 6 A.M., put on my jewelry, and sip tea outside. Then I Get To meditate, read as the sun rises, and make a coffee run before I come back inside. Then I Get To set up at my desk to read emails, send more, check Slack, run through the day’s tasks, reschedule when needed, make sure I don’t have meetings, and, if I do, prepare for them, but only if needed, then I Get To lock in so I can have lunch around 12 P.M. that way I won’t be full when I Get To lift at 2 P.M., then when I’m back around 3 P.M. I’ll only have small tasks to wrap up before 6 P.M., then I Get To go on a walk!
Despite its intent to make us feel more grateful for our privileges, the language of Getting To is ultimately aligned with hyper-productivity. Getting To do something may make you feel better as far as ticking a task off the seemingly neverending list of things we Get To do, but it doesn’t negate how difficult, tedious, and defeating accomplishing those things can be. For instance, finding a good primary care doctor sucks: It’s a long process that ends up being fruitless for so many people. Spending a significant chunk of income on food sucks, a reality millions of us share. Working out also sucks, and the reasons vary depending on who you’re talking to and what day you’ve happened to catch them. So, sure, I may Get To be concerned with these facets of life, but that doesn’t alleviate the tension associated with doing them.
I’m hoping that viewing this work through the softer lens of pampering and longevity could ease the blow. For quite some time, I’ve seen myself as someone worth spoiling, worth indulging. I haven’t always felt that way, but who among us has? Perhaps that’s why the idea of Getting To do something, of forcing myself, sapped my joy and made me feel like I was turning my well-being into another cog in the ever-present wheel of capitalism, a treacherous contest in which we all must participate. I want what I do to survive this game to be more than a branch of it, but I rarely stop to see the beauty within or romanticize my self-care practices.
Because I really am pampering myself when I go for a routine checkup. I’m making sure I’m good physically so that I can prolong my healthy years on this earth. I am pampering myself when I put on my favorite walking shoes and go outside on the trail near my home on days I don’t want to. The outdoor air, the sun, and the sounds of life buzzing around me are an indulgent way to do my mind, body, and spirit good. I am pampering myself when I put the good vanilla bean paste in my morning coffee because why should I save it for special occasions? Every day I’m blessed to be alive is worth celebrating. I am pampering myself when I dump my creatine supplement into my morning tea. That scoop boosts my cognition and makes me stronger. I am pampering myself when I choose a homecooked, fiber-rich, and protein-dense meal over takeout—just as I’m pampering myself on the nights I opt for takeout because I can’t fathom turning on the stove after a long day.
It certainly seems more fun to think of life in this way. It’s a bit delusional, but that’s the point of this type of mental reframing. I do worry about getting lost in the delulu of it all. Life is hard, and we make hard choices and do hard things, and sometimes, we’re better for it. But perhaps that’s just me leaning back on my propensity to conflate grinding with survival.
If you know what video I’m talking about, please send it to me. I want to give her her credit.
We are programmed to only associate pampering yourself with consumerism. From now on when I foam roll and engage in a long dynamic warmup before my workout I will see it as pampering myself. When I bring my large water jug to work along with my prepared salad, that's also pampering yourself.